Funny

'Short funny quotes to have the dose of fun and laughter with everyone around you.'

"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."
~Mae West

"If you try and don’t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie."
~Anonymous

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."
~Mae West

"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
~Groucho Marx

"The best way to behave is to misbehave."
~Mae West

"If it sells, it's art."
~Frank Lloyd

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
~Mark Twain

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
~Will Rogers

"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
~Jumbo Elliott

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

"Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire."
~George Bernard Shaw

"Life is Tough, get a helmet!"
~Anonymous

"Eternity is really long, especially near the end."
~Woody Allen

"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere."
~Mae West

"A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her."
~W.C. Fields

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
~Winston Churchill

"One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool"
~Edgar Watson Howe

"I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury."
~George Burns

"Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle."
~Woody Allen

"The report of my death was an exaggeration."
~Mark Twain

"I can resist everything except temptation."
~Oscar Wilde.

"Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue."
~Anonymous

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin

"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."
~Anonymous

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."
~Anonymous

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
~Steven Wright.

"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits."
~Mark Twain

"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"
~Anonymous